"Well I guess it's finally Friday."

I'm in sort of funk. I don't know what it is. I've been so burnt out from this week, I'm ready to relax and start the week all over again. Only 6 more weeks of the never ending demands. For once I'd like to hike somewhere or camp out at a park for the afternoon and not have to worry about plowing through the 20 emails I get a day about job hunting, class assignments, setting up meetings, or graduate school advice. I spent at least 2 hours alone replying emails that I've neglected to write back yesterday. I would rather curl up in a chair and read instead of having to compulsively check for any updates in my inbox, phone, blogroll, or FB and Twitter feeds. This form of instant gratification of having to get things done in a "bam, bam, bam" sort of fashion is tiring. I feel bad for not replying if I'm more than 3 days late.

And while complaining about how computers own my life, I'm listlessly sitting here in the computer lab before work. It is also unfortunate that the people with extremely bad B.O. find their way next to me.

Don't Freeze My Biological Clock

I know I put myself up to this but I started to register myself into a bunch of online services to help me job hunt more efficiently. So far I've had 4 replies in the past weekend. Not bad considering how I started sending our resumes a week ago. So thanks to Monster Jobs, they signed me up for an online network for "career-minded women". Why does this label alone sound so hyper feminist? As if women need to have a social support group just to be accepted into the work field to separate themselves from being bullied by working men. Maybe they do, I don't know.

What I do know is that they question the women that put their career ahead of their families. Excelle posted a question in today's newsletter about whether or not women should have the freedom to freeze their eggs so they can prolong their career while they decide when they want to have kids without losing the eggs. Is this disturbing to anyone? Even if your eggs are "fresh" don't you think your aging bodies might not be able to compensate bearing a child? Doing that to yourself costs $20,000. You can store them until you're "ready to use them". There's something eerily unnatural about freezing your future kids like that. For the original link you can find it here.

Editing Fail

So my first mistake was sending out a resume in bulk. The second was failing to change which position was I applying for; I caught on after the first email. And the third, yet biggest one? Forgetting to double check that the contact info for one of my references was correct. I wanted to face palm and then bang my head on the desk. I went back and emailed everyone I contacted with the updated info and apologized for my mistake. Sometimes I wish Gmail would give you the option to preview your attachments before you send them out. That would have saved me some grief.

2nd Generation

Why do Asian parents insist on trying to get the most out of you through pessimism? I know I’m stereotyping, but I mean the type of parents that ultimately want the best for you but always keep you on your toes with the questions, “What if it doesn’t work out?” or “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

Of course it’s what I want to do. I invested my 4 years into a major that I thought I could use to save the world (at least with one child or family at a time). Originally I thought I had no place to be in it when I first took a class in high school, but after jumping into the curriculum, I got better at it, then excelled in some of my classes. Shouldn’t that confidence continue to channel into my risks for applying for jobs after graduation without being cut short? It’s not even June yet and your words are assuming that I won’t get that job or that my plans will just fall through, or worse, that I second guess my decisions.

It’s too late to do that now, I need to start jumping and hoping something will catch me. I know this economy sucks to be graduating into and that having only one parent support the family is tough, but can’t there be faith that I could help with that burden and try to find my place in this adult world we call “real life”? As if being in school cuts you off from the rest of the world, because college students are so apathetic and close minded and have our noses stuck in books all day. I try to bridge that gap, y’know.

I just want to hear words of encouragement. I never like to admit it, but in the end I always try to impress you both and somehow leave myself to be second in priority. Everything you do is an investment and to think that your child is an investment is cruel, but I try to live up to it. You don’t get reassurance for tentative plans.

Home Projects

Looking back at the list of things I wanted to do a year ago seems rather stupid. Here's what I listed:

1) Learn how to swim
2) Knit a whole scarf
3) Learn how to French braid properly
4) Bake bread perfectly (baguettes preferably)
5) Skateboard somewhat properly
6) Rollerblade/ice skate sufficiently
7) Maybe get another piercing (ears)
8) Ride in a hot air balloon
9) Learn how to twirl a pen/writing utensil between my fingers
10) Make a souflee/pear almond tarte
11) Double dutch jump rope
12) Learn a new instrument
13) Get a new pet (for college)
14) Build up CD collection
15) Drive the freeway (seriously, man)
16) Organize pictures and print them out
17) Scrapbook or at least finish filling up an album

Well a few are practical and I managed to manage one thing and that was taking up the challenge of a pet turtle. Here's a more plausible list instead.

1) Keep cilantro and basil plants alive
2) Roast a chicken properly
3) Bake a pie
4) Ride hot air balloon at Great Park
5) Ride ferris wheel at Spectrum
6) Swing on the swings at Mason Park
7) Photo shoots at park, school, beach, etc.
8) Picnic in Aldrich Park
9) Watch a few more indie films at the theater across campus
10) Take more photos of staff and peers I've worked with all year
11) Get people to sign my overpriced yearbook
12) Find a job (should have been first on the list)
13) Get letter of recs (should have been the second on the list)
14) Get straight As this quarter
15) Keep a happy and stress-free quarter

Graduation Present

My family is under the assumption that I want something materialistic for graduation or more quality time when they come down here to vacation for a week. It's a nice gesture, but all I really want is to find a job after I graduate and a guarantee that I'll be in graduate school the year after that. Sorry, but I'm blunt (and practical). I just want a happy ending (that reassures me that my 4 years at a university did not go to waste).

Pink Martini

Words cannot describe how amazing the Pink Martini concert was last night. They were phenomenal live and I wish they could have played all night. "Brazil" was super fun to watch when they started to get the front row to do a conga line. "And Then You're Gone" and "Now I'm Back" was super funny. So many types of music that night! I sound like such a teeny bopper. Latin, jazz, swing, classical music, oh man. If I could, I'd try to convert young listeners to this type of music instead of the mainstream garbage that's always playing on the radio. I don't want my "bed to rock" and I don't care for "yellow polka dot bikinis".

I'm starting to be a bigger fan of Thomas Lauderdale. I didn't know his studied classical piano at Harvard and started the band. They started out with 4 members and it grew to 12. China Forbes was also amazing that night. She's stunning in person and I felt like an idiot when I told her that the show was great. As if it was only adjective that came to mind. I probably looked like a babbling idiot. Next time, there will be a game plan. Gavin Bondy's trumpet playing was so 60s. I loved his style and he and Robert Taylor were great together when they played. So many musicians on one stage! That was only a third of the members I just named.

It makes me glad that I learned to appreciate music like this when I was young and grew up with it. It's a blessing. I'm also happy I got to spend the concert with the most wonderful person on earth. Lewis, this was the best present I've ever gotten. I can't thank you enough. Funnest night ever and I love you for it. I hope I can top this (eventually :P).